Jen Won't Like This One

with one more step towards destiny
he's found all he'll ever be
he once felt sad he once felt bold
he once cared for all he's sold

--

Have you ever had one of those really introspective moments? In general, I try to avoid them at all costs. You never know what you will find in there. It's sorta scary really. I mean, what if you look inside and don't like what you see? Maybe worse, what if you see nothing? Like a great black sea of indifferent, cold, drowning reality? That's one of my great fears (aside from spiders). I fear that deep down inside there is nothingness. It's like looking behind yourself and not seeing your shadow. It makes you wonder if you forgot to exist when you got up that morning.

Droll isn't it? Well that's what makes it scary. Sure tigers and Ebola are fearsome, but at least they will end you with a cacophony of snarling life, one great organism devouring another. But what if you step up to your great challenge only to see it look in your direction with confusion, and walk away? That's just plain unsettling.

_

What is a man if not the measure and content of his heart? I should fill that space with refuse to avoid the shame of indifference and the suffering of gross negligence. Ok, I admit, now I'm throwing a bit of a tantrum. I guess I sorta expected life to be a bit more like Camelot, and a bit less like the wild west (the real wild west).

Anyway, that's what I'm afraid of.

--

the man goes clank
what once was bone has turned to stone
and he cannot hide the silence inside
the man goes clank